Sunday, 2 December 2007

You're either deluded, ignorant, or an idiot\asshole\crackpot\fruitcake if:

I’m getting fed up of hearing people excuse their religion by saying “Well I don’t believe that” when they are members of a church where “that” is the official line or the opinion of the majority of their churches followers. So I decided to make a specific list of beliefs to stop the get out clauses. It’s probably not comprehensive but here’s a first stab at it anyway.

You’re either deluded, ignorant, or an idiot\asshole\crackpot\fruitcake if:

You believe the world, or life on it, originated at any time in the last million years, or that humanity came into being at any time in the last twenty-thousand (scientists will find these numbers remarkably permissive, but I’m looking for stark-raving ignorance here, not just misconception)

You think it’s OK to punish someone for changing/losing/denying their religion.

You think it’s OK to punish someone for drawing or printing a picture of a religious figure, even if you find it offensive.

You think it’s OK to punish someone because God tells you to.

You think it’s OK to punish someone because they are homosexual.

You think it’s OK to punish someone because of what clothes they wear, how they wear their hair, how much skin/hair they show in public.

You think it’s OK to punish anyone for any acts that cause no harm to anyone else, which occur in private between any number of consenting, mentally competent, adults.

You think homosexuals (practising or otherwise) should be forbidden any goods/services/job/position in any organisation (including your church) or punished in any way because of their sexual preference.

You think women should be forbidden any goods/services/job/position in any organisation solely on the basis of their gender.

You think any particular race should be forbidden any goods/services/job/position in any organisation solely on that basis.

You believe your people are the “chosen” people.

You believe that people should be segregated in the street, on the bus, in school, theatres, cinema or anywhere else based on their gender, race, religion or gender preference.

You believe that the universe, or even just the earth, was created for humanity’s benefit.

You don’t believe that evolution by natural selection is responsible for all the many and varied life forms on the planet.

You understand the meaning of the phrases “Creation Science”, “Irreducible Complexity” or “Intelligent Design” and they don’t make you want to either laugh, cry or punch something.

You will allow yourself or someone else to die rather than have some type of medical treatment you think your god proscribes.

You believe abortion and/or contraception are worse crimes than rape.

You believe women are worth less than men.

You think that we are born guilty of anything.

You think that menstruating women are somehow “unclean”

You think a woman who exposes herself, up to and including going naked in the street, or meets with men who are not her family, would be more to blame for being sexually assaulted than her attacker, or deserves any punishment more severe than a stern reproving look.

You think it’s OK to kill someone for holding hands or kissing in the street, even if it does “bring dishonour” to your family.

You think it’s OK to punish someone for insulting a religion or a religious figure/prophet/god or speaking/printing their name.

You think it’s OK to punish someone for giving the name of your god/prophet/whatever to a pet or cuddly toy.

You think that the angel Moroni actually appeared to Joseph Smith or that Mr. Smith ever really translated those gold plates, with or without benefit of magic lenses/stones.

You believe anything L. Ron Hubbard wrote other than the bit about religion being the only way to make easy money.

You think it’s OK to hush up cases where priests are found to be paedophiles.

You think your religious leader really is infallible, even if you only think he’s only infallible when he’s sitting on his special magic chair.

You think AIDS is a divine punishment for homosexuality/promiscuity.

You think any natural disasters are a divine punishment for anything.

You believe a woman should be subservient to her husband.

You think it’s ever OK to cut bits off, or sew up, any part of a child’s sexual organs (or any other part of their body for that matter) for non-medical reasons. And no “it’s easier to keep clean” doesn’t count as a medical reason.

You believe global warming doesn’t matter because Jesus is going to come back in your lifetime and sort everything out.

You blame modern Jews for crucifying Jesus. Especially since that’s what god apparently had planned all along, but mostly because THEY WEREN’T FUCKING THERE! And, of course, partly because it may never have actually happened.

You think morality is impossible or meaningless without religion.

You believe that the ability to convince yourself or maintain that something is true, without a shred of evidence, or even in the face of evidence to the contrary, is ever a good thing.

You think Harry Potter is leading children into the occult and it should be banned on that basis.

You think that the ten commandments really are the ten most important moral imperatives; especially if you believe that and can’t name them.

You think that the teaching your religion to third world countries is a valid use of money donated to lift them out of poverty.

You think abstinence-only sex-education programs are a good thing in any realistic context.

You are against any medical procedure that will save lives (e.g. HPV inoculation) because you think it will “encourage promiscuity”

You teach children about hellfire and brimstone.

You think you’ll be granted eternal paradise/any number of virgins for dying in the process of killing people in service to your god.

You think any of the idiot beliefs above should be exempt from ridicule.

You support any organisation that fits any of the above criteria, and wonder why people criticise you for it.

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